The Gospel of Grind 2.0
It starts with a question: “What’s your side hustle?” Not “Do you have one?” but “Which one?” I am there too, pretending my Etsy shop is a passion project and not a desperate attempt to pay for groceries. We call it entrepreneurship, but it’s the most exhausting pyramid scheme ever invented.
We’ve replaced hobbies with hustles, and the only thing we’re building is burnout. The rules are simple: every skill must be monetized, every free moment must be optimized, and every “day off” is a missed opportunity. We behave as if the grave will hand out performance bonuses, even though the only KPI is “Did you live?”
The Performance of Passion
Side hustles aren’t about making money; they’re about being seen making money. The fitness guy doesn’t just sell workout plans; he posts a thread about “building his empire.” The artist doesn’t just paint; she opens a Patreon and calls it “community building.” The “authentic” mom doesn’t just bake cookies; she starts a TikTok channel and calls it “content.” The problem isn’t the hustle; it’s the theater. We’re all auditioning for a role in a play no one wants to watch.
My favorite genre is performative busyness. Today’s episode: someone brags about working “100 hours a week,” as if sleep deprivation is a badge of honor. They’ll post a thread about “grinding,” conveniently leaving out the part where they spent three hours scrolling Instagram. The hustle is real, but the profits are imaginary. It’s the human equivalent of running on a treadmill and calling it travel.
The Narcissism of Necessity
Every side hustle is a mirror, and we’re all staring at our reflections, wondering if we’re enough. Spoiler: we’re not, but this $499 online course might help. The algorithm knows your insecurities better than your therapist. It whispers, “You’re falling behind,” and we believe it because the alternative is admitting we’re not special. We hustle to feel complete, but the feeling expires faster than the paycheck.
The joke is that we’re not chasing success; we’re chasing the appearance of success. The bio changes from “person” to “founder” overnight, and with it comes the solemn duty to post a thread about “lessons learned.” We think this is ambition, but it’s just branding with extra steps.
The exchange rate
Passion converts to exhaustion at a rate of roughly one hustle per existential crisis. Side effects include anxiety, insomnia, and the sinking realization that you’re just a walking LinkedIn profile.
The Panic of the Pause
We laugh at toddlers throwing tantrums, yet we panic harder when the calendar looks empty. A free weekend? Suddenly we’re philosophers considering the void. The client cancels, and grown adults stare at their to-do lists like they’re meeting God. We’re not bored; we’re terrified. Without the hustle, we might have to think about the life we’re hustling for.
Work is anesthesia. It numbs the day’s bruises with infinite little tasks. Each sale is a bandage over a larger wound, and we keep layering them until the body cannot breathe. We call it freedom, but it feels like speed dating with our own mortality, and everyone is lying about their age.
Hypocrisy Is the House Style
The platform rewards extremes, so we oblige. We drag the “lazy” for not working, then post about “self-care” while answering emails in the bath. We condemn hustle culture while sharing our “grindset” playlists. We mock LinkedIn influencers while secretly envying their engagement. The hypocrisy isn’t a bug; it’s the business model. We’re needy, narcissistic, spineless clowns taking turns at the wheel and acting offended when someone points it out.
I am not above any of this. I have checked my email at a funeral. I have pretended to “unplug” while secretly refreshing Slack. I have mistaken busyness for meaning. The critique is a mirror, and the mirror is smudged with my fingerprints.
The House Always Wins
The platforms know the math. Keep the grind slightly worse than satisfying, and people will chase the next hit. Serve guilt next to ambition so users oscillate between shame and hustle, two emotions that never log off. Hide the finish line behind endless goals; the treadmill handle is your thumb. Show you ads that suggest you could be better if only you worked harder, joined the trend, or downloaded the app promising to “optimize your life” by complicating it.
We supply the labor for free. We even defend the system when critics ask questions. We call it “passion” while the house counts our hours like chips. The most disturbing part is how reasonable it feels. Of course I should work through lunch instead of eating. Of course I should ask strangers if my career is valid. Of course the best place to process grief is a productivity app. It’s absurd, and somehow it’s Tuesday.
The Quiet Sting
The punchline is simple: the audience we pretend isn’t watching is very much watching, and we’re performing anyway. The neighbor you despise noticed your promotion. The coworker you admire saw your late-night email and said nothing. The ex you blocked has a new account and knows exactly how often you post. There’s no such thing as a private grind, only dimmer lights.
Maybe the only honest move is to admit we’re addicted to the hustle. We want someone, anyone, to confirm we’re not wasting our time. We could stop working, but then who would notice? We could keep working, but then who are we doing it for? The curtain never falls. The show goes on because we keep clapping for ourselves.
So here’s the mirror, held low and steady: we are the workers, the bosses, the critics, and the janitors mopping up spilled ambition. The circus is us. If that stings, good. Maybe that itch is the first real feeling we’ve had all day.